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-¡I have bad
diction because I can’t see for the hair in my eyes!- The bad psychic
exclaimed. -¡I’m fucking to go - going - going - crazy!-
¡Good god! The nape
of her neck made more sense, and with less Aloe vera.
-¡¿What!? ¡Just die
already!- Drew said. -Oh, and ¿where’d ya’all leave the will?-
-¡I am the will! The will of Zandra the
Incredulous.- Zandra said.
Kelsey couldn’t see
to stop. And Drew couldn’t segue to save her life. And Kelsey wouldn’t see
until she came to the door of Zandra the Incredulous.
Zandra was sitting
at a table with several pies and magazines on it. When Kelsey entered, Zandra
started eating pie and reading magazine.
Kelsey walked over
to the cigarette-with-a-vest. But as soon as she walked over to the table, it
began to vibrate like a pair of recombinant jeans.
And no sooner had
the table started shaking, a bunch of Black cowboys walked in and started
roping cattle. One Black cowboy was a palooka and, just like in the comics,
Zandra looked 80 years younger. She even looked younger than Kelsey.
-¡This is far out!-
Kelsey’s left leg was not right.
-We have to screen
test the Crazy Cart.- Drew announced.
Kelsey rode the
cart right up to Zandra the Incredulous.
said. -You pull this lever and an infinite amount of redX’s are deliberated into the air. ¿Can
you explain that, my dear explicator?-
Zandra knew what to
look for: the nape of the neck.
-¿Where did you get
this sack of shit?- Zandra asked suspiciously.
without sin are supposed to cast
about recklessly.- Kelsey told her. -And then after they die, they go
immediately to Atascadero and jam with the
Brothers of Perpetual Tobogganing.-
-This is a trick.-
Said the voice of an otter. -You just want to take my pelt.-
replied. -You’re the one fucking
around, not me. You talk big shit, but your diction is no better than Zandra’s.
But, no, “everyone’s out to get me”.
You know, if I was tobogganing, I’d run you over. Quit talkin’ shit… ¡And now
let’s screen test the Crazy Cart!-
-It’s the other cart.- Zandra said. -Just let me
use this other cart while the Crazy
Cart’s being washed.-
You could hear the
sound of metal being pushed onto the table.
-¿Are you serious?-
Kelsey asked - her snoring accurate because of sonar. -Then you must try the Musty Cart.-
-In a second.-
Zandra contested. -Right now, touch my
ass.- She grabbed Kelsey’s hand and put it on her ass cheek, or at least on
the Velcro and sash that made up that part of her pants. This bold introduction
put an end to what had been the serene rotation of the little girl’s world.
Zandra was a dude
one minute and making a book-on-tape the next.
-¡You can’t be
serious!- Kelsey exclaimed, looking like the interior of a cat box. -¡You fucking can’t be serious!-
Kelsey’s eyes were
like two turds in a cat box. And at that moment she knew exactly what she’d say
to the dentist when he’d tell her that a breast exam was necessary for oral
Zandra leaned on
the cat box as Kelsey and Drew ran inside.
But the cat box
wasn’t really there and
landed in the grip of a very good looking, but high-sticking dentist.