Chapter 12 read by Daniel



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-¡I have bad diction because I can’t see for the hair in my eyes!- The bad psychic exclaimed. -¡I’m fucking to go - going - going - crazy!-


¡Good god! The nape of her neck made more sense, and with less Aloe vera.


-¡¿What!? ¡Just die already!- Drew said. -Oh, and ¿where’d ya’all leave the will?-


-¡I am the will! The will of Zandra the Incredulous.- Zandra said.


Kelsey couldn’t see to stop. And Drew couldn’t segue to save her life. And Kelsey wouldn’t see until she came to the door of Zandra the Incredulous.


Zandra was sitting at a table with several pies and magazines on it. When Kelsey entered, Zandra started eating pie and reading magazine.


Kelsey walked over to the cigarette-with-a-vest. But as soon as she walked over to the table, it began to vibrate like a pair of recombinant jeans.


And no sooner had the table started shaking, a bunch of Black cowboys walked in and started roping cattle. One Black cowboy was a palooka and, just like in the comics, Zandra looked 80 years younger. She even looked younger than Kelsey.


-¡This is far out!- Kelsey’s left leg was not right.


-We have to screen test the Crazy Cart.- Drew announced.


Kelsey rode the cart right up to Zandra the Incredulous.


-Look.- Kelsey said. -You pull this lever and an infinite amount of red X’s are deliberated into the air. ¿Can you explain that, my dear explicator?-


Zandra knew what to look for: the nape of the neck.


-¿Where did you get this sack of shit?- Zandra asked suspiciously.


-Apparently those without sin are supposed to cast about recklessly.- Kelsey told her. -And then after they die, they go immediately to Atascadero and jam with the Brothers of Perpetual Tobogganing.-


-This is a trick.- Said the voice of an otter. -You just want to take my pelt.-


-¿Us?- Kelsey replied. -You’re the one fucking around, not me. You talk big shit, but your diction is no better than Zandra’s. But, no, “everyone’s out to get me”. You know, if I was tobogganing, I’d run you over. Quit talkin’ shit… ¡And now let’s screen test the Crazy Cart!-


-It’s the other cart.- Zandra said. -Just let me use this other cart while the Crazy Cart’s being washed.-


You could hear the sound of metal being pushed onto the table.


-¿Are you serious?- Kelsey asked - her snoring accurate because of sonar. -Then you must try the Musty Cart.-


-In a second.- Zandra contested. -Right now, touch my ass.- She grabbed Kelsey’s hand and put it on her ass cheek, or at least on the Velcro and sash that made up that part of her pants. This bold introduction put an end to what had been the serene rotation of the little girl’s world.


Zandra was a dude one minute and making a book-on-tape the next.


-¡You can’t be serious!- Kelsey exclaimed, looking like the interior of a cat box. -¡You fucking can’t be serious!-


Kelsey’s eyes were like two turds in a cat box. And at that moment she knew exactly what she’d say to the dentist when he’d tell her that a breast exam was necessary for oral hygeine.




Zandra leaned on the cat box as Kelsey and Drew ran inside.


But the cat box wasn’t really there and


Kelsey landed in the grip of a very good looking, but high-sticking dentist.


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