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11

-Hello, Liv -One of the Gregs said, holding out his hand to shake. I knew this would fuck Liv up, cause my double was wearing my shirt.

When I stopped laughing, another Greg ordered take-out on Mom’s Visa card.

Another Greg distanced himself from the others, dusting my shelves and rearranging my collection of bolo ties.

My room was lousy with Gregs. ¡And all as handsome as the next! ¡Ten of the motherfuckers!

It was extraordinary to see. In a word, it was...

¡Awesome!

-¡¿How many of these motherfuckers are there?! -Liv looked like she’d seen ten ghosts-. ¿¡What have you done!?

-Simple. “I” have become “1”, but not exactly. ¡I’ve become 11!

-¡You did this to impress Derek! -Liv exclaimed, finally getting a clue.

-¡Yes! -Another Greg responded, pumping his fist in the air-. ¡There’s eleven Gregs and only one Derek! He’ll be ours by sundown.

All the Gregs did a little poodle dance.

-Give me a break -Liv was nearing a nervous breakdown and it didn’t look good on her.

-¡This is it, Liv! -I told her, despite thinking she wouldn’t understand what the fuck I was saying-. Today is my big day. ¡Today is the day I’m getting over on Derek! There’s eleven of me, ¡and only one of him! ¡Derek doesn’t have Superman’s chance on Kryptonite! ¡He’s mine!

-Now there’s more of Greg to love -One Greg said.

-¡Greg rules like Totie Fields! -Another, suspect Greg said.

-¿Is he... uh... “it” serious? -Liv murmured, looking distractedly out the window-. Mmmm... I want a tan, tennis coach...

-¿What did you just say? -I substituted Liv’s voice for mine.

I glanced outside for a second. And there he was, Mr. America.

It was Derek (if you haven’t been following the narrative closely, and the writing team of Cheney, Cheney, Cheney, Cheney, Cheney, Cheney, Cheney, Cheney, Cheney, Cheney and Cheney don’t recommend following closely), ¡and he was walking to my house!

And in his hand he had a cheap, knock-off pair of balsamic galoshes.

And in behind him waltzed another Derek. And he had some knock-off galoshes. And another, and another, and another...

That simple prick had copied everything I did, starting with his self and ending with my galoshes.

I had eleven of me, and one pair of balsamic galoshes.

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