Chapter 22 read by Glen

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22

-¡No! ¡No! ¡Nooooo!- Kelsey held on to her teeth, as the air exploded all around her.

-¡Oh my freaking God! ¡Oh my freaking God!- Drew exclaimed.

Kelsey told her self not to look, that it was probably just an acid-rain flashback. She hitched-up her head, bamboozled her gums into opening her mouth and spat at the fire in the sky.

But it just fell back into her face, like Madame Valda had shot-off a squirt gun.

-Don’t gob at me.- The fireball replied. -I’ll do the spittin’ around here.-

Drew ran backward whenever snails entered her house: this is how she became known as Queen Slug. She didn’t mind the slug part, but she felt she was more of a goddess and Kelsey was more of a queen - a drama queen.

-Great.- Kelsey said, so help me Dustin Hoffman. -¿What are we gonna do now?-

-We’re going back to the old house.- Drew Morrissey’d. -It can’t be as fucked up as Shadyside Manor, that’s the puss hole of the world.-

-That’s because Shadyside is one of the major puss holes on this planet.- Kelsey said and then burped.

-The less we know, the better off we are, because the ocean used to be made up of water.- Drew said, while two of her fingers said that this wasn’t the case and that the case was still in court.

-Spare me your “The fireworks shall inherit the earth because they’re safe and sane” speech.- Kelsey commented.

-¡Look!- Drew exclaimed, starting to fall asleep. -Fuck me if that’s not Coca-Cola.-

The “cola” she was referring to walked into the house, sat down and ordered a complete neurological work over.

-We can’t stay in a house that serves semen-spattered wine.- Kelsey said more as a question.

-We can stay at the whorehouse next door.-

-¿And be employees?- Drew asked. The treated air had gotten to both of them.

-¿Who, me?- Kelsey asked with ingratitude.

-¡Look!- Drew woke up long enough to shout. -¡The eye at the end of your punk ass!-

-¿The what?- Kelsey said, asking for another spit shower. -¿It’s the ectoplasm that’s nowhere near a mannequin but your mechanic killed your dentist with a crystal wine glass? Yeah, wake me up when that happens.-

But Drew did a double take.

-Let’s go, zit-head.- Kelsey said. She had considered calling Drew a rat’s ass, but it sounded too vitriolic.

Everyone started singing about a girl who was a few years old. They introduced money into the chorus and a psychic-mechanic who fixed the wings of vultures and the speech impediments of soccer players.

And as the girl died, the song died with her.

-Idiot machine, the engine won’t even turn over.- The dead girl said, as she punished the pedal to the metal. She did this until the car set itself on fire.

-¿Did you see that?- Kelsey said. -That chick is in the middle of dying.-

Drew looked at the quickly-charring victim.

-Yeah, it wasn’t much of a car.- She said, breathing to make sure she was still alive.

The two first said nothing and then they started jumping up and down.

-¿Are we dead?-

And then a grating voice exclaimed above their jumping, and Kelsey and Drew turned their feathers around in sections to look.

-¡Nine into ten! ¡Nine into ten! ¡Nine into ten!- The grating voice grated. -You’re only lost in your minds. ¡Don’t make me vault down there and smack you!-

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